Why Social Media Feels So Exhausting (And What We Can Do About It)

There was a time when social media felt exciting.

It gave us a way to reconnect with old friends, learn from people we admired, discover great books, and build communities around shared interests. For me, it has been an incredible tool for growing Books4Guys. I've met authors I never would have connected with, interviewed guests from all over the country, and watched complete strangers become members of a community built around reading and personal growth.

But somewhere along the way, something changed.

Most of us have experienced the same frustrating cycle. We unlock our phones to answer a text or check one notification, and before we know it, twenty minutes have disappeared. We've bounced from LinkedIn to Instagram, clicked a few videos, read comments that added little value, and somehow forgotten what we originally picked up our phones to do.

It happens so often that we've almost accepted it as normal.

That's one of the reasons I was excited to read MaryLou Kayser's new book, It's Not You, It's the Algorithm, and to have her join me on the Books4Guys Podcast. I expected a conversation about social media. What I got instead was a much deeper discussion about attention, intentionality, and how easily we surrender one of our most valuable resources without realizing it.

It's Probably Not a Discipline Problem:

One of the biggest ideas MaryLou explores is something I think a lot of people need to hear.

When we struggle to stay focused, we usually blame ourselves. We tell ourselves we need more discipline, more willpower, or better habits. While personal responsibility certainly matters, MaryLou makes the case that we're also participating in systems specifically designed to keep us engaged.

The more time we spend scrolling, the more valuable we become to the platform.

That doesn't mean social media is evil, and it doesn't mean technology is the enemy. It simply means we should stop assuming we're weak every time we lose track of time online. Understanding how these platforms are designed changes the conversation. Instead of feeling guilty, we become aware. And awareness is often the first step toward making better decisions.

That perspective really resonated with me because I think many of us have been fighting the wrong battle.

Technology Isn't the Problem:

One thing I appreciated about Mary's approach is that she doesn't advocate abandoning technology.

In today's world, that's simply unrealistic.

Businesses are built online. Authors connect with readers online. Podcasts grow because of social media. Even Books4Guys wouldn't exist in its current form without platforms like LinkedIn, YouTube, Instagram, and email.

Technology has created opportunities that previous generations never had.

The challenge isn't whether we use these tools. The challenge is whether we're using them intentionally or allowing them to use us.

There's a big difference.

When social media helps you learn something new, build meaningful relationships, or introduce someone to a life-changing book, it's serving a purpose. But when it becomes the default way we spend every spare moment, that's when it quietly begins taking more than it's giving.

The Question That Changed My Perspective:

During our conversation, MaryLou shared a simple question that has stayed with me ever since.

Who or what deserves more of my attention right now than my phone?

The more I thought about it, the more powerful it became.

Sometimes the answer is my wife.

Sometimes it's the book sitting on my desk that I've been meaning to finish.

Sometimes it's preparing for a podcast interview instead of consuming someone else's content.

Sometimes it's simply sitting in silence long enough to think.

Attention is finite. Every minute we spend giving it to something means we're taking it away from something else. That's a tradeoff most of us never stop to consider.

Build Something Instead of Just Consuming:

Another lesson from the book that really stuck with me was MaryLou's reminder that creators should build things they actually own.

Algorithms change.

Platforms rise and fall.

Reach disappears overnight.

If your entire business depends on someone else's platform, you're building on borrowed ground.

That's one of the reasons I've invested so much energy into Books4Guys.com, the podcast, the newsletter, and our growing community. Social media helps people find us, but it isn't the foundation. It's simply one of the roads that leads people here.

That mindset is something every entrepreneur, author, creator, and business owner should think about. Use social media to amplify your message, but don't let it become your entire strategy.

Why This Book Matters:

There are plenty of books that tell you to delete your apps, disconnect from technology, or escape the digital world.

This isn't one of them.

It's Not You, It's the Algorithm is much more practical because it acknowledges reality. Technology isn't going away, nor should it. The real challenge is learning how to use it with purpose instead of operating on autopilot.

That's a message that extends far beyond social media.

It's about protecting your time.

Protecting your focus.

Protecting your relationships.

Ultimately, it's about protecting the life you're trying to build.

Final Thoughts:

One of the reasons I started Books4Guys was because I believe books have the power to slow us down. They force us to think more deeply, ask better questions, and challenge ideas we've accepted without much thought.

MaryLou's book does exactly that.

It doesn't ask you to abandon modern life. It asks you to become more intentional about how you live it.

If you've ever felt overwhelmed by social media, frustrated by endless scrolling, or like your attention is constantly being pulled in a hundred different directions, I think you'll find a lot of value in this book.

Because at the end of the day, the conversation isn't really about algorithms.

It's about attention.

And if we can learn to reclaim our attention, we have a much better chance of reclaiming our time, our relationships, and the things that matter most.

Continue the Conversation:

If this topic resonates with you, I encourage you to listen to my full conversation with MaryLou Kayser on the Books4Guys Podcast. We dive much deeper into the attention economy, social media, creativity, and practical ways to build a healthier relationship with technology without disconnecting from the modern world.

If you enjoy conversations that challenge the way you think and introduce you to books that can genuinely improve your life, you're in the right place. Browse the rest of the Books4Guys library, explore past podcast episodes, and join a community of readers committed to becoming better thinkers, better leaders, and better men.

And if you're looking for your next great read, I highly recommend picking up It's Not You, It's the Algorithm. It might just change the way you think about your phone—and more importantly, the way you spend your life.